Thoughts over a bottle of beer

It’s past midnight and yet the god of sleep hasn’t shown any signs of visiting my room early tonight. It’s been weeks since I’ve been staying at my new place, by that I meant,since I’ve moved out. Yes, at the age of 27 I’ve finally got the spine to get out from my comfort zone,from HOME. To be honest, the experience is quite experimental for me. It’s one of the biggest leap of faith that I’ve ever did. For most people, moving out might just be a normal scenario especially if they are already starting to earn by themselves. But for me it isn’t. I grew up in an old-fashioned family with a very close family ties. I grew up with my cousins and seen them start their own family and for me it is perfect being in a place where all the people you love are is and it’s home. But what made me decide to get out from my comfort zone?… It’s FEAR- a distressing emotion that dwells within me, that whenever I shut my eyes, there’s a hunting question that echoes: when are you going to start your life?

It’s not actually bad to be satisfied with what you are and what you have. If that what works for you then, let it be. Be happy and content. That’s what I have seen with all the people around me and I don’t know where I got my weird and different views in life. People may call me ambitious or selfish and all but I just can’t stand to be the same as the rest of my family. I can’t stand to be relaxed when thinking about the future, I keep on worrying about what will happen 5, 10, or 20 years from now. I know it’s unhealthy, it’s stressful and it’s giving me a lot of pressure. It’s like I am purposely putting a lot of loads in my carriage even though it’s already getting unreasonably heavy. And for years I’ve been bothered with these thoughts without making any actions to resolve any of my worries. But after years of mulling over these depressing thoughts, I’ve decided to start making actions. With shaking knees, voice and confused mind as to where would I go and how would I start, I packed my bags and heed my way down the stairs. I said my goodbyes. I put all my hesitations behind as I closed the door. It could have been a good or bad decision who knows.

Now, back to this dimmed light, four walled room as I am sitting on my bed, which I just assumed mine… haha, as I am contemplating these thoughts over an ice- cold bottle of beer, am I regretting my actions? barely. Am I missing everybody? hell, yes! BUT, is this a new start for me? ABSOLUTELY! To be honest I am still unsure of my future, my fear still lingers within but one thing’s for sure, I am starting to make a step, I am starting to lead my life out from my comfort zone and yes, it’s definitely not an amusement park out here. It’s a jungle, it can be really messy and scary… but keep in mind, as I do, one will never learn to survive unless one will get out from the nest.

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